Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Adobe was common, that summer with the sun. I don't know whether it was fabricated or that was there all along. I used to be there all along but now I'm gone gone gone. Or so I thought, maybe I'm just sittin' here waiting for the tumble to roll me out or in. Deer and the wolf daybreaking each night that usually swam on until three or four. How broken is my speech. Rambles don't always do you justice when you don't know what you're saying or how to eject it. I want to walk around with you.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
- Make the best decision possible concerning colleges...
- Lose 10 lbs. (ubiquitous, I know) and actually KEEP my weight there.
- Read at least 40 books (lofty, but I'm determined!)
- Update livejournal and my blog more often, as a means of creative outlet.
- Get more involved in activism, I haven't been to a rally since last summer.
- Stop fucking procrastinating. I'm serious. It's horrible.
- Get a job.
I don't think I've ever set legitimate New Years Resolutions before, so we'll see how this goes. Besides my becoming vegetarian resolution two years ago that has worked out wonderfully (two-year anniversary tomorrow!).
Tonight I'm going to a party and probably getting too drunk which means probably making out with a girl which probably means more people thinking I'm a lesbian. Whatever, I do what I want!
Can't wait for the new year, I feel a lot a-changin'.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Everything I do seems lackluster and inadequate. My writing is bombastic and reliant on re-used vocabulary words; there is no actual substance in anything I produce. I don't have innovative ideas or theories, and even if I did, I wouldn't be able to formulate these ideas into words. My art is so far below original; it's talentless. Even my thoughts are some sub-par version of something I've read or heard. I'm so sick of being average.
I wish I would be able to find at least something I'm good at. But every time I try something new I end up stopping before I create anything worth looking twice at because I realize how insufficient it all is. It's not that I'm comparing myself to others, it's just that I'm aware of my own faults, and there are certainly many, many others who are lucky enough to excell in the things i only wish i wouldn't fall short in. What's the point in pretending to be profound, if I'm always going to generate mediocrity?
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
It's kind of a guilty pleasure. I know it's not the most eloquent or the most aesthetically or philosophically profound as many films out there (perhaps a good thing, it didn't seem like it was trying too hard to be intellectual or anything, like a lot of movies fall victim to), but something about it is just honest and endearing. It's real.
To have never taken a solitary road trip across country? I mean everybody's got to take a road trip, at least once in their lives. Just you and some music.
Sadness is easier because its surrender. I say make time to dance alone with one hand waving free.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
I also wish I would have posted more in the last few weeks. I have tons of photos piling up, I guess I'll just post them gradually within the next few days.
I spent a lot of time yesterday downloading new music, I didn't realize how much I listened to the same things over and over until I had something new to listen to. New additions to iTunes included the new Devendra Banhart album, more Elton John and Beach Boys, a few different soundtracks that I've been meaning to get after seeing their respective movies, and others. I will be occupied in that department for a while.
My inspiration folder is overflowing and filled to the brim!
Thursday, November 5, 2009
And the other day I bought two jackets online; one is a tannish tweed peacoat that's exactly the right length, and the other is a black faux-leather jacket that I'm kind of wary of since it seems like a decent amount of people I know have jackets reminiscent of this. Which I usually like to stay away from. But hey, I like it. Can't wait until they come in the mail!
It's pretty sad how my current happiness is a result of my own material-gain...shallow, if you will. I need to concentrate on things (no, not things! Ideas! Occurrences!) that make me happy other than the superficial.
I did well on my Government in-class essays today.
The weekend is looking bright, and it's so close.
One of my mom's friends happens to be on the Board of Alumni for Lewis & Clark and he offered to write me a letter of reccommendation! Better chances? Oh, I hope so, I sure need it.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
It drizzled here for about three seconds before the sun decided it wanted to show its face again. The pseudo-rain got me all excited, I wish we would finally start having a legitimate autumn. I always feel bad, though, when I complain about the sunshiney Southern-California weather. I know that if and when I relocate to Portland I'll miss the sun. I just wish we'd experience some variety. Oh well, no use whining about something I can't change...
Tomorrow I'll return to school and be forced to interact with people I'd rather not have anything to do with...oh, the joys of high school.